I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
