When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize