was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
