i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
