Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
