i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
