I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize