what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
