I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
