apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
