mondays should just be called national damage control day
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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