Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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