Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
