Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize