Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
