Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she told me i tasted like america
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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