Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize