well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
