my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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