So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
