didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
