my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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