Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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