Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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