dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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