i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
