She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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