You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Acid is not a monday night drug
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Shame is for Republicans.
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