And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
