i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize