ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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