nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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