I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
