God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
