dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
