I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
