your thong is hanging out like whoa
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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