After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
