wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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