i think my mom watched the whole time
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
