walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
