My balls are so social today.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
