I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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