Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
