My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
