i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
