hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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