Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
