life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
