My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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