Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he thought i was a dude.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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