If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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