I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You took a bar mat shot.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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