he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
