so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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