I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
