I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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