You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
