Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
