im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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