I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
