Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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