I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
