Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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