He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize