if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
