I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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