sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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