Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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