If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
