Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
