i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im six kinds of drunk right now
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
