Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
