bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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