Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
