Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
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