Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
