Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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