I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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