hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
