youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
