TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
bring money and cleavage
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
