dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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