dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
