you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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