Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
