ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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